I can still hear the voice of the nurse practioner telling me I would have to go to the ER, because there was nothing she could do. I can still hear the nurse telling me I would need a CT scan & being scared to death of what the results would be. I can still hear the ER doctor say he was bringing in a surgeon. I can still remember the surgeon giving me a 50% chance to survive. I can still remember my husband leaving my side to go care for our three daughters & the fear of never getting to see them again. I remember the nurse telling me that I will & the feeling of helplessness as I was wheeled into the OR. I can remember so much, so much it haunts me, like a bad dream.
I can also remember the love of my family, friends, & church; taking care of my husband & children, the cards, gifts, flowers, emails, food, words of encouragement, visits, & prayers. I can remember clinging to my Bible & Ipod, keeping them close, but having God closer.
For all the bad memories, I have many more good ones. Somedays, it is hard to remember them in the shadows of the dark thoughts, but I am doing my best. I know that I am blessed.
Not a day goes by that I do not reflect on all that stuff that went on. It just feels like forever & yesterday, all at once. I can't really describe it. I am doing really good, as are the kids. They make growing up look easy. I do have pics to share, but Hannah is getting home from school ay minute & I want to hear all about her day!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Posted by Tara at 4:00 PM